I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
