I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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