Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
