In America we eat man semen.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
