i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
