if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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