i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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