i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
