i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
