It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
