To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
