just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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