Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
