Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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