Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
