K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
