I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
