I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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