I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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