let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
