Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
