roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
