I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
