i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
