she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
