I want to make a zoo with you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
