like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
