Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I fill condoms, not promises.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
