I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
