his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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