Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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