u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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