I look better un-naked...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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