I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
