Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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