It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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