if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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