So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My dad is sitting where you rode me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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