No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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