You really coming over, don't trick.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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