Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
