No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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