Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
