I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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