My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
