We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
