I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize