Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
