but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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