We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
