i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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